The Coffee Conspiracy
by Liz Black
Summary: The average guy working at NCIS is a bit lame? Well, let's change that! Just a cute little piece where Abby and Tony have some fun by doing things they are REALLY not supposed to do. Rating due to language. Please read and review. Thanks. In Season 5


_Hi! Here I am again with another one-shot (albeit this one is a bit longer than the last) where Tony and Abby have some fun doing th__ings they are not supposed to. –grins-_

_I hope you have fun! Oh, and while you are at it: __**Please review!**__ Reviews always make my day!_

_Disclaimer: Not mine. So, don't sue. Thanks._

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_**The Coffee-Conspiracy**_

„How would you describe the people working at NCIS?", Abby asked while chewing on a pencil and whirling around with an office chair sitting between Tony's and McGee's desks. McGee sent her an unbelieving look and turned back to the case file he was currently working on; Tony on the other hand threw his cell phone on his desk and turned to look at her.

"Do you mean everybody here or just that bunch of escaped maniacs we call our team?", he grinned. Abby stuck out her tongue and threw her pencil at him.

"Hey, watch it! This could have caused severe internal bleeding!", Tony grimaced which sent Abby into a fit of giggles while McGee just snorted and thought it wiser to keep out of it.

"Honestly, you haven't answered my question!", she exclaimed, "And could you stop throwing paper balls at my head?", she added after fishing a small white piece of crumbled paper out of one of her pig tails.

"You aren't in one of those "_aliens-will-take-over-the-world_"-moods again, right?", Tony asked and then started to laugh at the shocked look McGee was throwing at Abby's head while she went over to Tony's desk to go looking for something eatable.

"_Aliens-will-take-over-the-world-mood_?", McGee couldn't help asking even after he silently decided that he probably didn't want to know.

"It was a few months before you started working here.", Tony explained, still laughing, "Abby decided that Post-It notes where a way of aliens trying to brainwash us.", he took a breath to calm his laughter, not very effectively, "So she stayed late one night and wandered through the building stealing them all and flushed them in the toilet. Man, you should have seen the look on the maintenance guy's face when he called a plumbing company to repair the toilets and having to explain to them what blocked them.", by now Abby held a bag of chips in her hand and stood in front of Tony's desk with her hands on her hips.

"I wasn't stealing! I _saved_ all of you from the apocalypse! So, don't make fun of me! I'm a hero, can't you see that? Well, maybe I should have gotten myself a cape or something.", she pouted and then dropped back into her chair.

"How would you call yourself? The Caf!Pow-nator?", Tony asked and got up to get a handful of chips from Abby.

"Why not? Maybe all of you lame people here could use some super-woman action.", she grinned, "Which brings us back to the topic at hand: Don't you think that the average guy working at NCIS is a bit boring?"

"I'm not lame", Tony threw in but was ignored by Abby who continued.

"I mean, seriously, if it wasn't for us, nothing special would happen here.", suddenly her eyes lit up and she turned big and shiny eyes at Tony, "You know what, action is needed!"

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?", Tony grinned back and McGee rolled his eyes and thought it best to quickly leave the room before anyone could connect him with whatever it was that those two were planning.

"I'm not sure, dude, but I don't think that pink is your colour!", Abby laughed. Then she rolled the chair a bit nearer to Tony's desk, so that they could talk more privately. Anyone who was passing them and paid enough attention to the evil grins and quiet laughter should have known that the next weeks wouldn't be easy on anyone in NCIS headquarters.

___________________________________ _One week later_______________________________

To say that Special Agent Timothy McGee was nervous was the understatement of the century. He knew that when Abby and Tony planned something nothing good could come out of it. Honestly, everybody, who didn't know that Abby was a genius in forensics and Tony a trained investigator, would think that they were dealing with some 10-year-olds. Maybe even eight. He wasn't so sure sometimes. He sighed again and dropped in his chair after checking whether there was any super glue on his keyboard or his chair. He shook his head, he was getting paranoid! Why you may ask? Because he definitely _knew _that his two colleagues and friends were planning something. The problem? Nothing had happened, yet.

"McGee! You don't get paid for staring into space! I want those phone records five minutes ago!", Gibbs bellowed and left the bullpen to get some coffee from the store a few streets away. He stole a glance at Tony DiNozzo cheerfully typing away something on his computer. When he noticed Tim's eyes on him he quickly flashed him his trademark grin and turned back to his work.

He knew something was going on. The question now was whether he should quit right away or try to get it out of Abby or Tony. He decided that neither option was a good one, but maybe he could get the office shrink to grant him some leave until this was over? He sighed again, there were some hard weeks ahead of them.

________________________________Another week later_________________________________

Something felt off, Ziva David noticed when she entered the break room to get herself a soda. Mary Harris, a receptionist working in Human Resources, looked suspiciously at the cup of coffee in her hand.

"Uhm, Ziva?", she addressed the female agent carefully because everybody in the building knew of the ex-Mossad officers ninja skills and surely no one wanted to be the one to piss her of.

"There is something I could help you with, yes?", Ziva asked in a friendly tone while inwardly chuckling at the receptionist's unsure approach.

"Yeah, nothing big but did you notice something about the coffee? I could have sworn it tasted different last week.", she frowned.

"Usually I don't drink too much of it. It just isn't my cup of coffee, so to speak.", she shrugged.

"Cup of tea.", Tony said and went to the fridge to get a soda for himself as well. He quickly smiled at Mary as she left the break room.

"Then you have to make yourself some. I'm not your mother, you know?", Ziva exclaimed as she turned to go back to the bullpen.

"No, the saying is: It's not my cup of tea, Zee-va.", Tony grinned and followed her. She shook her head and took a seat behind her desk to finally close the case, so that she could go home.

_____________________________And another week later_________________________________

The case was the horror of every investigator. The LEO's tainted the crime scene, they didn't have enough evidence to nail the guy from whom Gibbs just knew was the one responsible, the CO of the murdered Sergeant was an uncooperative bastard (and Gibbs knew what he was talking about, after all) and if that wasn't enough already Fornell decided to interfere with the case as well. So, you can imagine that Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was clearly not amused as he entered MTAC this afternoon to listen to Madame Director bitch about the FBI, CIA, NSA or whatever agency pulled the cooperation crap on them again to get the upper hand on one of their cases. As he entered the darkened conference room he witnessed Jenny Sheppard throwing herself into one of the chairs and stare at the wide screen like she was willing it to catch fire.

"So, who pissed you of today?", he asked as he dropped in a chair beside her. She sent him an angry glare but responded.

"I'm going to shoot the FBI director and the idiot that decided to promote him.", she growled which made Gibbs smirk and the techs in the room go looking for an excuse to leave the room as soon as possible.

"But make sure to get Abby to get rid of the evidence properly.", he said and took a sip of his coffee, "Or better: get the LEO's to mess it up.", his offer was only meant with another glare that clearly indicated that she was not in the mood, not that it had any kind of effect on Gibbs anyway.

"Are you trying to quit with the caffeine again?", he asked while slowly taking a sip out of his paper cup.

"I don't have the nerve or the time for your jokes. So care to tell me why Fornell's new agent filed a complaint against you?", she demanded.

"It's not my problem when Fornell doesn't know how to deal with his agents.", Gibbs shrugged and stood to leave MTAC before she had the chance to lecture him about proper behavior concerning your superiors. When his hand was already on the door handle he turned around again, "Go get a cup of real coffee.", with that he left her alone to get back to his team to keep DiNozzo from any prank he was trying to pull on Fornell's agents. Well, maybe he wasn't in such a need for hurry after all, he shrugged.

_______________________Four weeks after Abby's and Tony's "talk"___________________________

"Someone here is in a desperate need for caffeine. Wakey, wakey, Timmy!", Abby purred in his ear. Shocked that he had fallen asleep, McGee startled in surprise and turned his eyes towards his screen again as if nothing had happened. Abby placed the papers she brought up for Gibbs on his desk and made her way over to the youngest agent again.

"What did you do last night that you are falling asleep at work, Probie?", Tony asked grinning while Abby started giggling and took a seat on Tim's desk.

"I didn't do anything, it's just-", McGee stuttered but was interrupted because Abby pulled his left eyelid up with her fingers to get a good look at his eyes, "Could you stop that?", he asked as he pulled back with his chair. She just continued giggling and got up to give Tony the thumbs up and left the bullpen.

"What did you two do this time?", he demanded from the Senior Field Agent who was looking at something over McGee's head.

"Obviously not working as you're supposed to, McGee.", Gibbs said as his hands made contact with Tim's head and he sat at his desk. Tony just grinned at him mischievously and quickly turned back to his screen once again.

___________________________________The next day_____________________________________

"Mr. Palmer, may I ask what exactly makes you this fidgety today?", Ducky asked his assistant quite exasperated because said assistant just managed to send a poor marine's lung flying through the morgue after jumping a few feet high just because Ducky dropped a scalpel.

"I don't know, Dr. Mallard, I swear it won't happen again.", Palmer murmured and bent down to clean the floor and pick up the lung.

"Dear boy, are your hands trembling?", Ducky questioned just as the doors slid open and Tony entered the morgue.

"My, my Jimmy, is this your first date or something?", he grinned down and then turned to the elderly ME, "What have you got so far?"

"The blood samples and fingerprints are in Abby's lab already, Anthony, albeit I'm a bit surprised that Mr. Palmer here hasn't managed to drop them.", he added thoughtfully.

"Uhm, Abby was here to pick them up.", Palmer blushed and left the two.

"It seems to me that the whole building is a bit anxious today. Our security guard Mr. Stevens nearly suffered from a cardiac infarction as the metal detectors started to beep.", Ducky said with a sympathetic tone, "I must have forgotten to take my watch out of my pocket."

"Ah, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, Duck, maybe the weather.", Tony replied laughing.

"Maybe, yes. This reminds me of my time in Sydney. The seismologists prognosed a fairly small earth quake but somehow this had the whole hospital in-", Ducky turned around to find that DiNozzo had already left. He shrugged and turned to the marine that had one lung missing, "Well, my dear friend, it seems this just leaves the two of us. Where did I stop? Ah, yes, the whole staff…"

________Abby's lab_______

"Oh, man, I really needed that.", Tony laughed as he flopped down in one of Abby's chairs. The Goth turned around with an equal big grin on her face and joined him at her desk.

"Yeah, you looked kinda "non-cheerful" a few months ago.", she said and moved to sit on his lap.

"I'm never "non-cheerful"!", he pouted which made Abby chuckle.

"Sure, you aren't. But did you see Stevens from the graveyard shift? I swear I never saw him leave the building that awake.", Abby laughed, "I think he was humming the Bonanza-theme."

"Which is a very disturbing image, I don't wish to follow.", Tony grimaced, which made Abby laugh even louder.

"Where did you actually get the idea to replace the building's coffee supply with decaff?", she giggled, "And this in small steps every week. I don't think the people noticed something wrong until we exchanged it with espresso this morning."

Tony already opened his mouth to answer but his cell phone went off. "Oh man, don't tell me that we got a new case. I was actually hoping that I would be home before it's dark.", he rolled his eyes and got out of the chair after Abby stood up.

"Hm, maybe I should come with you, just in case the cell phone bears bad news, don't you think?", she grinned and they both made their way to the elevator. They pressed the button and shortly the doors opened to reveal a miserable Palmer whose sleeves where covered in blood. He grimaced when they stepped into the elevator and you could see that Abby and Tony could barely keep from laughing. On the second floor, the door opened again and a very annoyed McGee that tried to get the stapler pin with a supply form attached to it from his tie.

"You developed a new technique to remind you of things, Timmy? You know, normal people make a knot in their handkerchief or something.", Abby giggled. By this point Tony couldn't hold his laughter in anymore. When they reached their floor and Palmer went off to do whatever he came to do, Tony and Abby had already tears in their eyes which got them curious glances from Ziva as they entered the bullpen together but a smile also formed on her lips as she saw a blushing McGee still struggling with his tie. Gibbs just raised his eyebrows at his team's antics and scowled.

"Seeing that even my team can't behave like normal people, go home and do the reports tomorrow morning.", he shook his head, grabbed his jacket and went into the elevator with Tony, that cheered shortly at the good news, and grabbed his backpack from his desk in lightening speed with Abby on his toes. Once in the elevator, Gibbs raised his hands and gave them both a slap at the back of their heads.

"Ow! What was that for, now?", Tony winced while Abby pouted and looked crestfallen at Gibbs who in turn just smirked.

"That was for freaking out the whole building. Be happy that you didn't spike my coffee or you would have gotten a lot more slaps at a place further south."

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**The END**

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_Did you like it? Or not? Tell me why, please._

_Yours, Liz._


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